Slipping Away
by PassionatelyHiddlestoned
Summary: Less Than Zero AU: Thor, Loki, and Jane live in Beverly Hills. When Thor goes off to college and Jane enrolls as well, Loki is left alone with his memories and emotions, which may be dangerous. When Thor comes back to visit, he finds everything is different. Can Thor and Jane help Loki, before he slips too far away? TRIGGERS: Drug use, relapse, family angst, smut, major char death.
1. Memories

_**Less Than Zero Thor AU: Thor, his brother Loki, and his girlfriend Jane live in Beverly Hills, home to the rich and overindulgent. When Thor goes to college in New York and Jane enrols in the local University for Astrophysics, Loki is left alone with his memories and emotions, which may be very dangerous. When Thor comes back for Christmas break to visit, he finds everything is different. Can Thor and Jane help Loki, before he slips too far away?**_

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><p><strong>AN: Before you start reading this fic, please note that this is NOT A HAPPY STORY. There is no fluff (except for maybe the smut times) and the subject matter is mature and depressing. There are **_**many triggers**_** in it, such as drug use, relapse, self-destruction, light smut, major character death, and family trust issues. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TRIGGERS APPLY TO YOU. This is based on the 1987 film 'Less Than Zero,' with the characters from Thor. It's Thor 1 verse in the flashbacks, and Avengers verse in the regular story. If you still want to read, I hope you enjoy :) **

"_Everyone, in for a picture!" Darcy Lewis called, holding a camera. Jane smiled widely, draping her arms around her boyfriend's neck. "Where's Loki?" "He hates pictures, you know that!" "Aw, come on! It's the last time we'll all be students together! We're graduating guys." _

_Loki watched, in the midst of the celebration, his father walk over to Thor, shaking his hand and smiling proudly, slapping him on the back. Loki bit his lip as Odin congratulated his brother, the two laughing together as father and son should. _

_Odin came over to Loki as well, smiling as though he were seeing a stranger. He congratulated him, but not nearly with the same enthusiasm as Thor. The negligence pulled at Loki's heartstrings, but he refused to become jealous of Thor. Odin had always favoured his brother- all their lives. It wasn't Thor's fault. _

_Thor smiled as he went over and got Loki from sitting by the fountain. "What is it?" he asked, and Loki looked up, a sparkle in his eye. "I don't know. I'm happy that we're out, finally, but… I'm kind of sad as well. What if things aren't the same? You're going to college, so is Jane, and I'm… staying here. What am I going to do without you guys?" _

_Thor laid a hand on Loki's neck, slapping him gently. "You'll do just fine. I'll come visit you on holidays, and Jane is just a phone call away!" Loki nodded, squinting in the sun. He suddenly grinned, getting up. "Let's go, then." _

_The two brothers walked back over to the girls, and they posed for the photo. Thor wrapped his arms around Jane while Loki gave both of them bunny ears. "Loki! That's a waste of a good, memorable picture," Thor complained jokingly. "Oh, it's just a bit of fun. Right my friends?" He grinned, and the three laughed as the picture was taken. _(See my profile for grad picture)

Thor entered the baggage claim wearing black pants and a navy blue dress shirt, tired from his early morning flight. He had been let off yesterday for Christmas break, and had decided to fly back, since he had no friends or family in New York. He grabbed his suitcase, and hailed a taxi, all the while thinking of the summer before leaving as he rode in the back.

They had had the best summer of their lives, full of fun and carelessness.

"_Are you sure we should be doing this?" gulped Loki, taking a sip of beer, and Thor laughed. "Relax, brother! It'll be fun." Loki nodded, smiling slightly as they pulled off at the lookout. _

"_You go first," Loki told Thor. "No, I want you to be the first to experience it!" "I'll go first," Jane smirked, and got out of the car. _

_She got up on the railing, and looked over the side. "Woah," she breathed, looking out over the lights of the city. "This is amazing." Thor got out, and held his hands around her hips in case she slipped._

_She looked farther over, and started to wobble. "Ah!" she laughed when Thor caught her, and swung her down to kiss her and take a swig of his drink. _

_Loki grinned as he watched them, and got out to join. He bit his lip, and cautiously got up onto the railing, setting his bottle down. "Umm…" Loki muttered as he swallowed, noticing how high up they were. "Look at the city, Loki," Thor said, laughing. _

_Loki nodded, and carefully let go of the railing as he looked at the lights. It was beautiful. _

"_Agh!" he shouted as he fell back from the railing, and hit the ground with a thump and a groan. _

_Thor and Jane snorted in fits of drunken laughter, and Loki couldn't help but join in. They all laid down on the grass with him, and looked up at the night sky. _

Thor smiled at these memories from the back of the taxi, looking out over the same view now that they had seen that warm summer night. Then he remembered the conversation he had had with Jane a few weeks later.

"_Thor, I told you! I can't come with you, okay?" Jane said, turning away as she walked out to the balcony. "But why?" Thor tried, eyebrows lifting, "NYU has an envied Astrophysics program, you'd be -" "Well maybe it's not about that!" _

_Thor was quiet, watching his girlfriend in silence. "What, then?" he squeaked. Jane sighed. "I'm scared, okay? I've lived here all my life and… I can't just leave! What about Loki, what will he do?" Thor wanted to tell her that his brother would be alright without them, but he knew, deep down, that Loki didn't have the emotional strength to be left alone. _

"_I can't go without you," Thor whispered into her neck, and Jane cupped his face. "I love you. But you have to go. It's what you were born to do. I'm going to miss you more than the world, but right now…it's the best thing."_

Thor scoffed to himself as he remembered just what had happened the last week of summer, before going away. He had told them that he was leaving a week early, to get settled in New York and used to his surroundings, and of course, they had a huge celebration party the night before he was supposed to leave, but he realized he couldn't go if he had the opportunity to spend one more week with his friends.

_What a mistake. _

Thor had visited Loki's apartment in the early evening, intending to surprise them with his late departure. Instead, he had gotten the surprise.

_Jane felt Loki's lips against hers, insistent and full of longing and need, his hands gripping desperately against her thighs. "Loki," she whispered, and he kissed her collarbone. "I need to do this, Jane," he panted, "I've needed it for so long." His mouth tasted of alcohol, heavy on his breath, and Jane could tell he was a little bit drunk. He would never do something like this if he was completely sober. Jane felt bad for Loki, and while that was a terrible reason to give in, she did anyway. Loki had grown into a rather attractive man, anyway, with a lean, muscular body._

_They fell back into the bed, Loki undressing her as fast as she was undressing him. When they were completely naked, Loki moaned as he watched Jane squirm beneath her. He gently laid lower down on top of her, and began to thrust, making her gasp softly with his heavenly ministrations. "Loki… Loki…" she mumbled, clawing at his back. _

"_Ung…" he grunted, feeling his climax begin to approach after so little time. "I'm… ugh… so close…oh, Jane," he whispered, eyebrows lifting in ecstasy as they neared their peak together. "Just like that, Loki… please…" she groaned, and they gasped together as they finished, panting into each other's mouths as they kissed again. _

_They fell back into the pillows, out of breath, and Jane looked over at Loki, who looked tired, pleasured, and out-of-sorts. Something inside of Jane told her that what she had just done was so wrong, that her heart belonged to Thor, but she didn't want Loki to feel unwanted, as he had so often at home. _

_Thor had come up the stairs, grinning, and when he let himself into the apartment, he went into the room, to find his brother and his girlfriend in bed together. _

_He had been speechless at first, and after a few seconds of shocked silence, Jane had gotten up, wrapping a sheet around herself quickly. "Wait! Thor!" she had called as Thor stormed out, and he had taken the next flight to New York that day. _

Thor knew now that she had only done it to make Loki feel better, and he understood her reasoning more so now. In the months that he had been away, he had forgiven the two, and was ready to go back, but he hoped Jane was as glad to see him as he was to see her.

He paid the taxi driver as he dropped Thor off at his parent's house, a spacious mansion at the end of the street. His mother had died when they were both 13, from a robbery. The robbers hadn't intended to kill her- only did it because she was trying to protect her sons, which they misinterpreted as threatening.

Thor smiled softly as he felt along the banister, remembering him and Loki sliding down them as kids. It reminded him of all the mischief they would get up to, and their mom scolding them afterward. He walked over to his room, the same posters and everything left just the way they were from high school.

Loki's room was there too, full of books on ancient literature that Thor himself would never understand. Loki had given all those up, though- ever since he had moved out halfway through high school.

"Hello, my son," his father's voice sounded from behind him, and Thor turned to see Odin standing in his doorway. He had grown older, there was no denying that. His hair was whitening, and he had developed more wrinkles around the eyes.

"Father! It is good to see you again," Thor said, hugging him. "What has been going on since I was here?" Odin beckoned for him to follow, going to the backyard where their pool glistened and the heat of a good old California Christmas bounced off their tennis court.

"Things have been well with me. I retired from the company, passed my chair down to a trusted CEO. I'm well, my son." "And… what of Loki?" Thor asked, looking up. Odin's face seemed to darken a little at the mention of his other son, and he cleared his throat. "We haven't spoken since you left. I don't know how he is, or, where he is for that matter."

"Have you tried calling him?" Odin stared for a long moment, and nodded slowly. "Yes. He didn't answer." Thor watched as his father turned and got something out of the fridge, knowing full well he was lying about that. Loki would have answered in a heartbeat- anything for approval from father.

"How are you?" Odin asked, changing the subject, and Thor took a breath, the smile returning to his face. "I am well, thank you. Studies are going fine."

They talked for a while longer, caught up with each other, until Thor said he had some things to do, and left. Before he went, he checked the mail, which had a red and gold envelope in it.

He chuckled to himself as he opened it, knowing at once who it was from.

"_Hey Everyone, _

_It's that time of year again. Time to eat lots of sickening fruitcake and yawn through grandma's stories. _

_Well, come by mine this Friday night, and we can all screw the holidays together!"_

_-Tony Stark_

Thor laughed out loud, tucking the letter away. Tony always held the best parties, and this Christmas one was tonight. _Good, _he thought_, Jane and Loki are sure to be there. _

For the rest of the afternoon, he visited his old high school and walked through the parts of town he always hung around at with Jane and Loki.


	2. Old Friends

When it was time for the party, Thor went back to his house, hopped in his red mustang that he loved so much in school, and drove off down the way to Tony's mansion.

His house was circular shaped, on the top of a hill, overlooking the ocean. It was definitely the most expensive property in town, even among all the rich. Cars were already parked everywhere, with more coming in as hoards of people hung around and chatted.

Thor stopped, and got out, giving the keys to Tony's butler, Jarvis, to park with a thanks.

He walked out, adjusting his tie, and saw so many of the people he went to school with.

"Thor!" called a familiar voice, and he turned to find Natasha, his many-time gym partner, dressed in a tight black mini-dress. "How's life?!" she shouted over the roar of the guests, and Thor smiled, hugging the curvaceous redhead. "Very well, thank you. How's yours?" She grinned, taking a sip of her margarita.

"I'm in training to become the next athlete in track for California!" she laughed, and Thor's eyes widened. "Many congratulations to you, Tasha." She nodded her thanks, punching him playfully on the arm before going back to where Clint, her boyfriend, was talking to some other guys.

"Thor? Is that you?" asked another voice, and Thor turned to see who it was. "Ah! It has been too long, Steven," Thor beamed, slapping the blond on the back. "It has, big guy! How the hell are you?!" "I am well, thank you. What have you been doing?"

"Well, I've enlisted in the army. I figure, hey, why not serve? I'm not too good at much else, so, might as well! I ship out after Christmas." Thor nodded. "You will make a fine soldier, Steve."

He weaved his way through the crowd, and stopped short as he found Loki, chatting with a couple of girls who seemed to be entranced in his speech. Loki had always had the gift of wooing females.

Thor interrupted, and looked Loki over. He had definitely gotten taller. Much taller- in fact, almost more so than Thor himself. His hair had grown out, still slick and black, but now down to his shoulders with the ends curled up. He was wearing a black tux, with a green scarf draped around his neck. But there was something about his eyes, that seemed different. The sparkle was gone, replaced by weariness.

"Well, well, well!" he said, grinning as he saw Thor, "Brother! You're back!" Thor smiled, pulling Loki into a bear hug. "It is most good to see you," Thor said. Loki regarded him for a second, nodding to himself. "You're still pissed, aren't you?" Thor remembered what he was referring to, and looked down. "No. No, I'm not."

Loki laughed loudly as he took out a cigarette box, pulling one out. "You're a terrible liar, brother, I'm the one who's good at that," he smiled, lighting the cigarette and blowing the smoke out in a thin plume. "Loki, believe me, I would not have come back if I still held that against you."

There was a moment of sobriety in Loki's expression as he looked at Thor in earnest. "I'm sorry. I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I'm sorry for what I did… really." Thor nodded. "Thank you."

Loki's air of playfulness returned. "But enough sentiment, you need a drink!" he called, laughing as he snatched a bottle of vodka from a nearby table, dragging heavily on his cigarette. Thor took the bottle carefully from Loki, and looked at him.

Loki had definitely changed- throughout high school, he never went to parties, and it was extremely rare to ever see him intoxicated. He sure didn't smoke, either.

Thor took a short drink from the bottle, and handed it back to Loki, who whined. "Thor, how do you expect to enjoy yourself if you don't drink more?!" Thor smiled, patting Loki on the shoulder. "I want to be at least somewhat sober when I see Jane again."

Loki nodded with a smirk, and looked away. "Well, I'll see you around, brother," he said, and disappeared into the crowd again.

Thor watched after him, still stumped at what sparked the big change in Loki.

He looked around, and suddenly came across Jane and her friends by the pool, Jane dressed in a light purple strapless. "Jane!" Thor called, and Jane's eyes lit up as she saw him. "Thor!" she shouted, and embraced him tightly, pulling away to grab his face and kiss him repeatedly. "Oh, I missed you so much," she whispered between kisses, and Thor chuckled, pulling her close to him. "I missed you too, my love."

Darcy came over, clucking her tongue appreciatively as she swished her shot glass of tequila. "Look at you! Still all muscley and stuff," she said, poking his chest playfully, "How's college?" Thor smiled. "College is fine. How are your studies in politics going?"

Darcy shrugged. "I gave it up. I realized I didn't have the potential I thought I did, and, well, I figured I'd just be best staying here."

Thor nodded, and Tony approached them with his girlfriend, Pepper, carrying a glass of scotch. Pepper was always a very popular girl in high school and was elected Student Body President, due to her amazing people skills, and she and Tony had been dating since sophomore year.

"Guys!" Tony shouted with a grin, "Glad you could make it!" He hugged everyone, and so did Pepper. "How was college?" Tony smirked to Thor, "Ready to drop out yet?" Thor laughed. "No, not yet." Tony laughed as well, waving to them as he went off to greet some more people.

"Thor," Jane said quietly as Darcy turned back to her boyfriend, Ian, "I need to talk to you." Thor frowned at her urgent tone, and nodded. "Uh… of course," he said, leading her to a private spot by the gardens. "It's about your brother," she continued, biting her lip. Thor leaned in, worry creeping at him.

"What about him?" Jane sighed. "He's changed, Thor… and not for the better. He's not the same as when we were all together. Frankly, I'm worried sick about him… I think he's in a lot of trouble." Thor's breathing became rapid. "What kind of trouble? Is he alright?" Jane looked down.

"He didn't handle your leaving very well. You're his brother, and he really trusted you. I'm not saying it's your fault, he just took it pretty hard. When you left, and I went to college, he turned to other things to deal with the emotional trauma he went through when he was a teenager. Your mother dying, Odin's favouritism… He didn't have the distraction of friends."

Thor swallowed, waiting for Jane to go on. "He started getting high. At parties, by himself… I would visit him now and then, and he would seem alright, but I knew what was going on. Thor, he's waist deep in it now, and he's slipping away. He blames himself for Frigga's death, and he thinks it's because of his accountability that Odin doesn't like him."

Thor took a deep breath, letting all this sink in. "What should I do?" he asked, and Jane took his hand. "You're the only one who can get through to him. You have to help him, Thor. I'm scared for him."

While this news had pained Thor, he also felt a strange sense of anger toward Loki. He had done all he could, he had been there for Loki his whole life, and now, he leaves for a few months, and he's on a self-destruct mission?! Could he not have a life of his own as well?

"What am I supposed to do?" Thor asked gruffly, "I mean, why should I have to be the one who pulls him out of this mess? He did this to himself," he stated, standing up. Jane followed him, and slapped him. "He's your god damn brother, Thor! How could you say something like that?!"

At that, she turned, and stormed away from him, leaving Thor in a confused, shocked mess of feelings.

Meanwhile, Loki was at the other side of the party. He was shaking, and visibly distraught. He thought of Thor's return, how good it was to see his brother, but as he thought of that, that just reminded him of his family, and all the feelings of self-worth plummeted.

He felt a familiar urge tug at him, and stepped off to the gates, lighting something and inhaling it deeply. After a second, Loki's mind had cleared, and he straightened his suit, re-entering the party with the smile and charm back in full.

A little later, Thor found Loki again, as well as Jane. He offered to drive them home, and Loki sat on the top of the back seat with the mustang's roof pulled down, singing loud Christmas carols.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!" he sang, and Thor laughed, shoving his brother a little. Jane stayed quiet, still mad at Thor. "It's good to have you guys back," Loki said happily, linking his arms around the others' necks.

Jane and Thor both laughed, and the sped through the night as Loki launched into a verse of 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.'

* * *

><p>Thor woke up in his room the next morning, staring at the ceiling. He had been up late at the party, and worried strenuously about Loki. He felt incredibly guilty for what he had said, and knew what he had to do to make it right.<p>

He pulled some pants over his boxers, and put a shirt on overtop. He made his way in the car to Loki's apartment, and parked outside.

When he reached the third floor, he knocked once, and entered when there was no answer.

He found Loki in bed, grumbling and groaning as Thor opened the curtains. "Get up, sleepyhead," Thor said playfully, nudging Loki, "Or I'll be forced to pour ice cubes in there, like when we were children." Loki chuckled from underneath the pillow he had stuffed over his face. "You wouldn't dare." "Oh, I wouldn't, would I?" Thor grinned, opening Loki's freezer.

"Okay, okay!" Loki laughed, tripping out of bed with a thump, "I'm up, you annoying oaf." Thor smiled, and helped Loki up. When he saw his brother's face, he had to stifle a gasp. "Loki, you look terrible…" Loki gave him a funny look. "Thanks for the compliment, brother," he grumbled as he trudged to the bathroom and shut the door.

He had dark circles around his eyes, and his lips were pale, paler than usual. "Are you alright?" Thor asked through the door, and he heard the sound of the faucet running. "Yes, of course. Why do you ask?" he inquired, brushing his teeth.

"I…" Thor sighed, and waited until Loki came out. "I'm worried about you." Loki turned to him with a light smile. "Why?" He lit another cigarette, blowing smoke languidly and rolling the cylinder around between his long fingers.

"Loki, I know what's going on, you don't have to hide it from me. I'm your brother. I know about the parties, and the drugs, and the self-pity."

Loki inhaled sharply through his nose, and kept his back to Thor. "How?" he asked after a long pause, voice shaking. "Jane told me." Loki sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Loki, she's worried about you! We're all worried about you," he said softly, coming up and resting a hand on his shoulder.

Loki whimpered quietly. "I… I don't know how to stop it, Thor. I… feel better when I'm out of it, I don't know. I'm really scared." Thor shook his head. "This is no way to deal with it. Please promise me you'll try to stay clean, brother," Thor whispered, and Loki stared up at the ceiling, trying to avert more tears.

"I'll try," he managed weakly. Thor sighed. "Loki, this is madness-" Loki whipped around suddenly, anger coursing through him at his words.

"Is it madness, Thor? Is it?! IS IT?!" he yelled, and fell against the side of the table, supporting himself as tears spilled down his cheeks. Thor helped him up, and put Loki back to bed in silence, where he fell asleep again almost instantly.


	3. Try

Back in Jane's parents' mansion, her family was preparing for Christmas Eve that night.

"Jane, honey, would you get the wine glasses out?" her mom asked, and Jane nodded. Just then, the doorbell rang, and Jane opened it. "Thor," she said flatly, nodding at him. "I talked to him, Jane," Thor said quietly, "I went to his apartment today." "Oh my god… what did he say?"

"Oh, Thor!" Jane's mother exclaimed, rushing out of the dining room area, "It's so good to see you, darling, oh!" Thor nodded with a smile, hugging Jane's mother back. "How's college?" the frequently asked question rose again, and Thor answered with a, "Fine, thank you."

Jane excused them, and they went back to the hall behind the living room.

"It was hard to see him like that," Thor said, his expression saddening, and Jane looked away, ready to cry as she opened her mouth. "I miss us. I miss the three of us, when we would go out, and just have fun. We didn't have to worry about anything…" she faltered, and Thor cupped her face.

"I'm going to help Loki. We're going to get him out of this mess, do not worry, Jane."

Jane gazed back at them, and suddenly, their lips met. Her hands found the back of his head, and she ran her fingers through his hair as he latched onto her bottom lip.

Jane raised her knee a little, and Thor gripped it as they continued to kiss, their tongues finding each other in the middle. "Mmm," Thor mumbled, and Jane tugged on his hair. "I've missed this," she whispered, and Thor squeezed her shoulders in agreement.

The kiss continued, and through it, the tension and want from being away from each other for too long burned between them. "Thor," she managed out. "Jane," Thor whispered back, and they hurried outside the house, where the sun was down now and the stars were out, and they got into the backseat of Thor's car.

"I love you," she whispered, and Thor kissed down her chest to her stomach, removing her shirt. "I love you, too." She removed his shirt, and they kissed more as they felt each other again for the first time in months.

As Christmas Eve dinner was going on back in Jane's house, somewhere on the other side of town, Loki was at another party, wearing black pants and a white dress shirt, and feeling giddy beyond belief. He felt as if he was on top of the world, everything just buzzing in him and around him. He recognized some of the faces of the guests as people he went to school with, even greeted some of them.

He craved to experience more of this feeling, to forget who he was for a while again, just for the night. He knew he had promised Thor to try and stay clean, but it was _just so hard_. He needed more.

He got the same thing out of his pocket, and sneaked off to a fountain, sitting on the edge and lighting it until he'd gotten his fill. He lit more, to experience the rush again, and more until he was finished all of it. His brain was on overload, and Loki loved it. He was terrified that he loved it, but he knew he wanted more. He_ needed_ more.

* * *

><p>Back at Jane's, Thor smiled as they all talked about life, about work, about family. They shared memories of things that had happened when they were in school, and were enjoying themselves with the food and the wine.<p>

Suddenly, Thor's phone went off in a series of vibrations, and Thor excused himself. He stepped into the hall, and listened.

"Thor!" It was Clint, voice crackling over loud music and chatter in the background. "Yes?" Thor asked confusedly. "Your brother's here at my place- he doesn't look so good!"

Thor's heart skipped a beat, and hastily returned to the table. "Um, forgive me, but I must leave right away, there's been an emergency. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Foster."

Jane got up with him. "Thor, what is it?" she asked as she pulled a light sweater around herself. "It's Loki." She followed him, and got into the car as they sped off.

They finally made it to Clint's house, where Clint and another friend from school, Bruce, were crouching around Loki, who was passed out by the fountain.

"Thor, Loki's in terrible shape," Bruce announced, feeling Loki's forehead. Bruce was in pre-med. "He's got a fever, his heartbeat is irregular… I think he may have overdosed." Thor's heart almost stopped, and Jane covered her mouth.

"I-is he going to be alright?" Thor asked weakly, and Bruce's lips formed a straight line. "Probably, if you take him home and nurse him back to health." Thor nodded quickly, hoisting Loki up as Jane put one of his arms around her shoulder, and they supported him.

"Hey," Bruce said to Thor, and Thor turned. "It's good to see you again, buddy," he said softly, "I'm sorry your brother's going through this." Thor smiled. "Thank you, Bruce."

They lifted Loki into the backseat of the mustang, peeling back the tarp of the convertible so he could have fresh air as they drove back to his apartment.

He started to wake up as they drove, and he leaned forward into the front seat. "Where we going?" he slurred, eyes half-lidded. Thor didn't answer, didn't even turn as he locked his jaw. Loki gulped, knowing from experience his brother's disappointed look.

Jane didn't turn around either, but Loki felt his stomach churn as he saw her worried expression in the mirror.

When they finally got back to the loft, Loki stumbled on the way up, gagging as his head spun. "I... I don't wanna… go home, Thor, leave me alone!" he shouted, falling against the railing. Without words, the two helped him stand again, and let him into the unlocked apartment door.

"Loki, you've got to listen to me," Thor said, squeezing the nape of his brother's neck desperately, "This has to stop. Despite what you may think, people care about you. We care about you so much, Loki." Loki's blue eyes that stared back at Thor were lost and helpless, and it almost made Thor cry seeing that look.

Loki gagged again, and they helped him to the bathroom, where he threw up. Jane wiped his forehead with a cold cloth, and Thor kept him upright.

A little while later, when the worst was behind them, the three best friends sat on the bathroom floor together. "What are you going to do?" Loki asked softly, sober now.

Thor looked over at him, as did Jane. "What do you mean?" Thor asked, and Loki looked down, fiddling with his fingers. "What are you going to do when I'm gone? Will you mourn?" Jane's eyes welled up, and Thor shook his head. "Don't you start talking like that, Loki. You're not going anywhere. I promise."

Loki nodded, and Jane rested her head on Loki's shoulder, the two of them staying with him until morning.

* * *

><p>When the sun began to rise, Thor's eyes fluttered open, looking over to Loki, whose head was resting on his shoulder, and looked down to Jane, whose head was lying on Loki's leg.<p>

He woke them up, and Loki breathed out heavily, remembering what had happened the night before.

"I'm sorry," he squeaked out, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry you had to do that." He got up, feeling his head ache, and looked in the mirror, wincing at his appearance. He combed his hair, washed his face, and took a shower.

"Are you sure he'll be okay?" Jane asked Thor, and he nodded. 'He has us."

Just then, Loki came out of the bathroom, looking significantly better than he had in the past couple of days. He didn't smell like smoke, he didn't look like a zombie- he looked like he did before. A little scraped, a little broken, but… he looked like himself.

"Um, I just wanted to," he started, rubbing the back of his neck, "Thank you, for everything you've done for me. I know it hasn't been easy caring about me when I've given you no good reason to trust me. But I've got something to do."

Thor wanted to hesitate, to stop him from going out… but he realized that for him to truly get better, he had to be trusted.

Loki went out, walking down the street as butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He walked all the way across town, to his old house. When he saw it, his breath caught. It made him uneasy to see it again, but he knew what he had to do.

He went up to the front door, and knocked. It took a long time for the door to open, but when it did, Loki raised his eyebrows as Odin saw him again.

"Father," he mumbled, and Odin didn't say anything. "May I come in?" His father just stared for a second, then reluctantly let Loki come in and sit down.

"Father, I… I haven't come to fight, or to… beg, or anything. I came to mend our relationship. I know what I've been doing in the past few months is wrong, but… it was just so hard."

"You think it was hard for you?" Odin answered coldly. "How hard do you think it was for me? Huh? Did you ever think of that?! And what about Thor? Did you ever think of what it was doing to the people around you?!" Loki choked back a sob. "This isn't about Thor."

"You're right," Odin said, "Thor's got nothing to do with this. You've done this to yourself, boy!" Loki looked at him, tears in his eyes. "I never wanted to be the best son! I didn't because I knew I would never be. All I ever wanted was for you to treat me equally with Thor. I only wanted to be more than nothing in your eyes."

Odin looked on for a second, and sighed. "Everything changed when your mother died. I blamed you, because I didn't have anyone else to blame. I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking away. Loki smiled a little. "Thank you, father. And... Merry Christmas." Odin nodded, and left Loki alone in the living room.

Thor and Jane went back to Jane's place, but couldn't stop worrying. "Do you think he'll be okay? Do you think he can stop himself from falling back into it?" Thor looked at her, expression serious. "I don't know."


	4. No More Of This

It was night-time now, and Loki was walking over to the party at Darcy's. In Beverly Hills, at least one of their friends would be having a party. But he wasn't going there to get high- no, he was changed now, he felt like a whole new person. He was going to announce his sobriety to his friends.

"Loki!" Darcy said, frowning, "Uh, don't mean to be, like, really nosy or anything, but… you okay?" Loki nodded. "I am alright. I think. I feel better. I really want to make an effort to…" he cleared his throat, shifting his feet, "Stay clean. For at least a week, for starters. Go from there."

Darcy hugged him. "I'm proud of you, Lokes. You're my mischief maker." Loki laughed and blushed, as Darcy was referring to the short fling they had in second last year. Loki weaved through the crowd, staring at the drinks people had in their hands.

He wasn't hooked on alcohol, but he was sure that would lead to hazy decisions, and he really didn't want that.

He was about to go over to Tony and Steve, who were chatting by the fence, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

But then… he felt something in his pocket. Loki's eyes closed as he felt what it was, knowing exactly_. Damn,_ he thought_, I thought I threw all of them out. _

He bit his lip as he felt the tiny bag in his pocket, and groaned to himself, desperately craving another hit. He wanted it so badly, that everything else started to dissolve around him, the promises, the support, everything. _He wanted it so bad._

Loki's hand began to shake, and his body trembled as he felt the temptations overtake him.

_It's only one more little hit. _

His breath became uneven, and he felt as if he were hyperventilating as he felt the urges return. _No, no, no…_

But there was no denying that he wanted it. He needed to have it again, he needed to feel that same rush that made him feel like he was worth something.

"Forgive me, Thor," he mumbled, and took out the stuff, lighting it and inhaling so deeply that his lungs were completely filled. His trembles stopped and his body relaxed, and he took another hit, keeping the flow going.

He whimpered a little, feeling the high come back in overwhelming full, and started to gasp as he finished.

He sobbed as he walked out of the party, the world spinning around him. He felt as if he were caught in a never ending cycle.

"Thor," he whispered, as if he could hear him, "Jane…" he walked his way back to his apartment, out of the miracle that he could still find it, and fell onto the bed.

* * *

><p>Thor and Jane looked at the time.<p>

"It's two in the morning, Thor, and he hasn't gotten back to us," Jane said in exasperation. "Something's not right," Thor said, and they ran out to the car. They drove to Loki's apartment, and found him on the bed, shaking and sweating.

"Loki!" Thor shouted, lifting his head up, and Jane got a bucket just in case. "Are these the initial effects of sobriety?!" she shouted at Thor, and Loki shook his head at both of them, pupils dilated. "I… I screwed up….. I…I'm sorry….I'm sorry….I needed it…"

Thor shut his eyes, and Jane ran her hands through her hair, sitting beside him on the bed. "Loki!" she cried, and he shut his eyes in remorse as he shivered. "I'm s-so sorry…" Thor suddenly stood up, a determined look in his eyes. "That's it. No more of this."

Jane looked at her boyfriend, confused at his meaning. "What are you doing?" "We're going to get Loki clean, now and forever." He lifted Loki up, who tried to formulate a sentence, but was too out of it to speak properly. "Thor, just leaving everything could kill him! He has to ease his way back!"

Thor shook his head. "I won't see my brother do this to himself anymore. Come on." He grabbed a bag full of stuff from Loki's fridge, and walked out.

Thor put Loki upright in the back of the mustang, and got into the front seat. Jane turned to watch Loki, whose face was a mixture of helplessness, fear, and confusion. She hated seeing him like this, too.

Thor started the engine, and peeled out of the driveway, driving down the road, through the town, and out onto the desert highway. Loki looked around apprehensively. "W-where are we going, Thor?" he whispered, rubbing his arms, and Thor looked back. "To get you well. We're going to stay with you, and help you."

Loki nodded once, before resting his head back against the seat. "I… I love you guys," he whispered, "I do." Then, he fell asleep, head back against the cushion.

Thor sighed, and turned back to the front. "How are we gonna do this, exactly?" Jane asked incredulously. "I don't know, we'll figure it out. All I know is, we can't leave him again. I can't leave him again…" He looked back at his brother, and gripped the wheel tighter. Jane nodded quietly, watching as the nightlife of Beverly Hills faded into the distance.

* * *

><p>The next morning, they woke up from the spot Thor had pulled off of. There was nothing but desert around them.<p>

"Mmmff," Jane mumbled, waking up. Thor's eyes opened, and they looked around, adjusting to the sunlight. Jane yawned. "Loki? Are you feeling better now?"

There was no reply.

"Hey, Loki, maybe you should drink some water, that'll make you feel better," she suggested, nudging him in the back seat.

Still no answer.

Jane frowned cautiously. "Loki?" she asked slowly, turning around in her seat. Thor was fully awake now, turned around as well as he regarded his brother.

"Loki, wake up," she said, her voice rising as she shook his shoulder. "Loki?!" Thor boomed, shaking him hard. Jane gasped with a hand over her mouth, and she started to cry. "No! No, no, no, Loki, no, wake up!" she cried, "Wake up! LOKI!" she screamed.

Thor's face twisted in anguish, and he shook Loki again. "Brother?" he asked feebly, voice barely above a whisper, but still, Loki lie still. Jane sobbed into Thor's arm, and Thor let the tears run down his own cheeks.

"No," Jane wailed, "This can't be happening! This can't be…" she cut herself off with her own sobs, and Thor put his hand to the back of her head. "He… he can't be…" she whispered. Tears rolled down Thor's face as he squeezed his eyes shut, still remembering the last thing Loki had said to them. That he loved them.

"Goodbye, brother," Thor said, "We will miss you so much."

* * *

><p>Later, as they were going through Loki's stuff back at the apartment to keep back at father's, Thor found his wallet, and smiled. "Jane, come here," he said, and she looked at the wallet he was holding.<p>

In it, was the picture that was taken on graduation day, of the three of them smiling, laughing, and joking around. _Picture -_ ( See my profile to view picture ) Back when they were all together, and had their whole lives ahead of them.

Jane hugged Thor's torso, smiling wistfully at the picture and willing herself not to cry again. "Jane," Thor mumbled, "Come with me. Come back with me to New York." Jane looked up at him, and after a minute, nodded. They stared at the picture together, and kept it with them forever.


End file.
